Life Lately

So much has felt different lately.

The seasons are changing, thank God.

The sun has been out in full force, and my little solar-powered brain has been fully recharged after a winter spent in low-power mode.

So much has been so delightful, and praise God for that.

Our family has switched back into our 'porch people' era, that we haven't been in since living back in Kingsland. There is just something about a good chair on a good porch at sunrise and sunset, and even in the mid afternoons as our toddler plays with bubbles and chalk ‘til the sun goes down and we have to drag him inside for dinner.

We even picked up tennis as a fun way for us all to get outside together and be active other than just going on long walks around the neighborhood. We love our walks, but we really want to nurture a love for the outdoors and different kinds of healthy activities for our son. He's been loving it, and we have been, too.

So much in this world can be uncertain, but I know for certain that every day that we get to spend time with each other in this way is so precious.

But even in the midst of such beautiful moments of light and love, there can still be dark moments - especially in my own mind.

I pride this blog on being a vulnerable place where people can read real thoughts and emotions that they can relate to, that also try to point toward the Lord and His glory in every moment, good or bad.

Therefore, I'm going to get quite raw by saying that I’m in such a wonderful, joyful, and virtually perfect season of my life, but I am still struggling so greatly mentally after the day is done and my thoughts aren't being quieted by activity and busyness.

Last night, I found myself sobbing in prayer, begging for reprieve from the thoughts that fester in my mind with seemingly no end.

In the depths of that emotion, I remembered a verse, though not knowing exactly where it was at, just that I'd heard it before:

"My grace is sufficient".

I looked it up, and the full verse was 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV) -

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 

So then I opened up my Bible to read the rest of the passage and section:

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

- 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 (ESV)

Saying that this passage hit me like a brick to the head doesn't even fully encapsulate how deeply those words sank into my soul. It was like a missing puzzle piece that I desperately needed to find in order to even remotely stop the intense flow of the bleeding from the thorn that has been in my side for years - my OCD and all my insecurities that come along with it.

One small way that this thorn has been manifesting recently is in the way that I have been finding myself so discouraged by this blog endeavor. So we're gonna get real honest for a second guys - buckle in (all three of you).

I love writing. I love doing things that glorify the Lord - the one who saved me and continues to pull me back up after I fall to my own struggles every single day. This blog allows me to do both of those things in a way that gives me so much purpose and delight.

BUT - a lot of people don't like to read stuff like this in this format anymore.

In a world of TikTok, and short, high information or high-aesthetic videos, people don't often stop to just read pieces that aren't two sentence captions under a stimulating video.

Because of this, this blog that I put so much time and effort into pretty much goes nowhere.

My goal has always been to reach people through my words and point them to God's truth, even if I don't reach many, but it can get quite discouraging.

Don't get me wrong, I have foundational satisfaction in knowing that even if it isn't succeeding by worldly standards, I am succeeding in doing what I strongly feel like God has called me to do. But even so, it can be a bit discouraging.

But last night, I was struggling with that disappointment, and other deeper personal struggles mentally - overall feeling like I was drowning under the weight of my own mind. Which is why the praying and the crying and the search for a scriptural lifeline ensued.

Naturally, I did what I do best after reading that and feeling all of the feelings that I was feeling: I wrote about it - in a quick, raw, and unedited manner.

“The Pit.”

(Click the link above to read it, if you dare. It’s a bit different from my regularly scheduled programming.)

Knowing how much that helped me, I'd like to also encourage you to take a second and try to write about what's bothering you - while you're in the thick of it.

Don't wait until the wound is done bleeding - let it all drip out onto the page.

You'd be surprised how much healing can come from the ink of a pen just putting all of your pain on paper.

I also like to write out my prayers in this same way. He wants your rawest, realest emotion as you call out to Him in deep desperation and need in your darkest moments.

All of this is just to say that life can be such a funny, fickle thing. We all know there are ups and downs, but it's often so hard to comprehend it all when they're happening simultaneously. Like, how am I on a rollercoaster that seems to be falling out of the sky in a ‘meant to do that’ manner? How am I in the middle of having such a beautiful time with my family while my mind is spiraling about things of the past and things that I can’t even control?

Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but simply trust God. Easier said than done, I know. I’m still learning, too.

Anyways, this post is a bit more informal and all over the place in comparison to the metaphorical braids I’ve been weaving through the past few pieces, but I did want to just give some real insight and updates into how things have been.

These next few weeks will be super exciting for me, and also for this blog.

I'm working on getting some logo stickers made, gearing up for the very first interview to post within the next month, and coming up with ideas for more wonderful things to come.

At the very beginning of next month, I'll be traveling to Jacksonville, FL / Kingsland, GA to fix some things at our house in Kingsland, and hopefully take a bit of time to write and recuperate my brain at the beach after such a long winter drought from the sun. While I'm there, I'll be completing an interview with a good friend of mine who is navigating life through college in faith.

It'll all be so exciting for me, and I hope that you'll all find it exciting as well.

All in all, thank you for being here through the crazy, changing seasons of my life while also walking through your own. Whether you’re one of my original and loyal three, or someone just passing through - feel free to stay a while. I’m so glad you’re here. 

I hope that you can also find some comfort knowing that you’re not alone. There are people like me who understand, and most importantly an almighty, righteous, and loving God who wants nothing more than to carry you through it all - no matter what your life looks like lately.

Until next week,

— E. Byers, author of The Grassy Laine