Four Years’ Time
Today, my husband Samuel and I have been married for four years.
It simultaneously has been the shortest and longest four years of my life. It has definitely been the most eventful.
In such a short time, we have gone on many road trips together, moved four times, gone on many adventures, had a baby, bought a house, bought horses, done lots of living room dancing, and built the most beautiful family together.
I’ll never forget the day we got married. He proposed to me a week prior in front of my favorite place, and we were so excited for what lay ahead. But that day, he got off way earlier than anticipated - which at that time, was utterly unheard of.
We were sitting at our kitchen table, the very same one that we sat at as he told me that he planned on marrying me a few months before, and I just knew in my heart that we had the same idea in our heads. We didn’t want to wait any longer.
He looked at me, and said “What if we just got married today?”
With no objection from me, we headed to the nearest courthouse that would take us so last minute: St. Augustine, Florida.
I put on my favorite white dress, and he chose his favorite pearl snap shirt.
Since we started dating, we had always been more of a private couple. So I don’t think that it surprised any of our friends or family when we decided to elope that day.
It may not have been ideal for everyone, and there truly was no rush, but it just suited us in ways I can’t explain. It was beautiful.
I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Within those first few days of engagement, I quickly realized that full-on wedding planning was not for me. I was still working full-time at the barn, and the notion of trying to plan a full-scale wedding and having a long engagement was not something I was into anyway.
Just last year, right before our third anniversary, we did end up having a vow renewal that allowed me to have a bit of that wedding experience with our family, so I was so grateful for that.
All in all, our story has turned out exactly as God intended it. It hasn’t always been easy, but it has been so good.
Through these years, we have learned a lot.
I’m no marriage counselor, nor do I claim to be the perfect wife, but I do think that I have a bit of marital wisdom that may be worth its salt after all we’ve been through.
So here are four key things that I’ve learned in these four years so far:
Keeping your relationship centered around something bigger than just the two of you is what leads to longevity. For us, we have always pursued a Christ-centered marriage. We’ve found that while we’re both focused on following and pleasing God first and foremost, the way we treat each other improves in step. It was God that blessed us with each other, after all - so it’s in our best interest to continue to sow seeds of faithfulness to Him, together.
This one is more for just me instead of us together, but I’ve had to learn the hard lesson to ‘put yourself in your back pocket’. Sam has never had any trouble with this concept, but I, on the other hand, am a bit more naturally selfish. I’ve had to rely on God to teach me the art of dying to myself daily, and putting my family first even when it's hard. I’m not claiming that I seek to ignore my own needs, or act like I’m some sort of marital martyr - I mean that I do my best to pursue biblical selflessness in ways that are very difficult to my flesh. God has been playing the long game to teach me how to serve with the truest heart posture and that I can’t always have things my way; especially in a house with two boys.
Never stop laughing together. Being able to joyfully exist and laugh with your partner is so important. I couldn’t imagine being married to someone that I didn’t find funny. I can safely say that my husband is the second-funniest person on earth - with me as the first, obviously. I may or may not be joking, but that is just how it goes in our household. All in all, you can’t let the years of your marriage go on, and forget that you were friends with each other first. The weight of marriage can become so heavy - especially in between four different moves and all the other troubles of daily life - but it’s so much lighter when you’re able to laugh with each other through it all.
Take a minute when you need it. I have changed radically since Samuel and I met, and I thank God for it daily. Way back when, I never stepped away to gather myself during conflict; I’d just go ahead and speak out of rash anger. Sam took quite a few verbal blows that should have never been his to take in the first place. I’m not saying to ignore the issue and walk away, I’m saying that if you’re someone who needs the time to slow down, cool off, and think before you speak, don’t be afraid to clearly communicate that and just take a minute. Your relationship deserves your best - nothing less. If you don’t have a clear and cool mind, the conversation won’t go anywhere fruitful anyway. It’s better to step back and say nothing until you’re ready than to say too much and risk leaving nothing left.
Four years in, and I know we still have so much more to learn, and so much life to live. But looking back at the foundation we’ve built through every move, every quiet kitchen table conversation, and every crazy season, I’m just so grateful for the man I get to walk through life with.
Happy four year anniversary, Samuel.
Forever & Always,
— E. Byers, author of The Grassy Laine
